Self-improvement (1): Why You Fail
Last week, I walked you through how to choose your word of the year for 2024. Hope you've been enjoying the baby steps towards your WOTY.
Aaron
Many of you would pick something aimed at self-improvement, but what may stand in your way? Let's dive in on the topic this week.
Why Most People Struggle with Self-Improvement: A Deep Dive
Self-improvement is like signing up for a gym membership on January 1st — everyone's passionate about it until they realize the gym actually requires you to show up more than once. But why don't they show up? There must be a reason for it and here's why.
Lack of SMART Goals
What are SMART goals?
The five aspects of S.M.A.R.T. goals are that they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound.
Aiming at self-improvement without specific goals is like showing up in the gym without knowing which machines to use — you end up wandering around, occasionally lifting some dumbbells, hoping you're doing something right, but ultimately just sweating awkwardly in the corner (as I did years ago).
Without achievable goals, you're like a cat chasing a laser red dot — exerting a lot of effort, darting in every direction, and in the end, you're just as far from catching it as when you started (as my cat always does). And without relevant goals, you're likely to spend a night watching Marry My Husband (highly recommended 😉) instead of exercising, even though you have a good intention of keeping fit (as my wife alwaysoften does).
Imagine deciding to become a blogger but having no idea how many blog posts, and how often they should be written. It wasn’t until I (seriously) set a measurable and time-bound goal of writing and publishing one post per week that the wheels started turning.
Remember, a SMART goal is like a good joke — it's self-explanatory.
Fear of Failure
Once you set a clear goal (or WOTY), you should feel a sense of direction, unless the fear of failure begins to loom large. Unfortunately, it haunts us, whispering "Better not to try than to try and look like an idiot". The fear of failure, judgement and change holds us back, like the three-headed monsters in Harry Potter, not because we're incapable, but because we dread the imagined consequences of not succeeding on the first try.
Fact is you never know until you try. A student of mine couldn't even order food without 'this' and 'that' (no please by the way) when she just arrived in Australia. I don't know how she worked on overcoming her fears or cultural differences or language barriers, but now she's dating a white guy.
The moral of the story? Don't let the fear of failure keep you from the myriad of opportunities waiting just beyond that initial step of trying. After all, the only real failure is letting the fear of failure stop you from trying at all. So, gather courage and take that baby step, and who knows where the path might lead you.
Underrated Consistency
Moving past the fear of failure, there's another key element in the journey of self-improvement that often goes unnoticed: consistency.
Consistency in self-improvement is like flossing. We all know we should do it, but TikTok often wins. Yet, it's the secret sauce to any kind of growth.
We live in a world of instant gratification, but self-improvement is not a drive-thru experience. It's more like growing a Swiss cheese plant – it takes time, care, and patience. Consistent watering every four days is the secret for them to create awe-inspiring fenestrated leaves.
You can also view your consistent effort as compound interest for your personal growth. Dedicate just a small chunk of your day (money) to your goals (bank account), and you'll see the magic happen not in a year, but five or ten. Think of self-improvement as a marathon, not a sprint. Consistency will be your trusted companion on this long and could-be-rewarding journey.
Misconception About Self-Improvement
Of all the obstacles that stand in our way to improve, the misconception about self-improvement is, in my humble opinion, the biggest one.
Many people equate self-improvement solely with career success or perfectionism. Those with this skewed perception would believe that the only way to live a fulfilling life is to succeed in every single field they venture into. It's as if they think self-improvement is a guarantee of success, like a magic wand that grants all wishes. However, the truth is self-improvement is a process, a journey, and a means to an end (sign up and join the journey).
Imagine a novice cook striving to become a skilled one. That's a form of self-improvement. It involves accepting your beginner status, setting a goal to become a better cook, and having a plan to achieve it. From selecting ingredients to practicing recipes, it's a journey of both delicious meals and overcooked foods.
Couldn't swallow the yucky food you overcook like ingesting bad experiences on your self-improvement journey? Don't worry, share it with your beloved ones and take this as a journey filled with experiences, laughter and self-acceptance. And if all other dishes fail, order food delivery right away.
Still remember the three-headed dog guarding the way to the Philosopher's Stone? I couldn't remember exactly how Harry, Ron, and Hermione bypassed such a formidable obstacle, but their journey underscores a life lesson — it's their courage to face the unknown that allows us to explore the depths of our own 'forbidden forests'. Just like them, we may not know what treasures or trials await us, but one thing is certain: you'll never discover the next chapter of your life unless you have the courage to turn the page.
So, armed with SMART goals, embracing the lessons in failure, committing to consistency, and shedding misconceptions about self-improvement, let's boldly step into the unknown where opportunities and challenges await. Remember, the most enchanting stories often begin with a step into the unfamiliar. Who knows what wonders await you on your journey? The only way to find out is to keep moving forward, one brave step at a time.
